The New Revised Modern Olympics

In an ever-faster changing world, many institutions have failed to keep pace with the times. The time has come when they either must move ahead or face obsolescence.

For example, the modern Olympics date back to 1896.  In the past 115 years the world has moved forward, while the modern Olympics remained virtually unchanged.  We must ask ourselves:  Do the skills required to compete still reflect the skills needed by our 21ST century global society?

At this very moment literally millions of our young people are pushing themselves to the limit every day in an effort to run 100 meters in less than 10 seconds.  It pains me to say this, but running the 100 meters in less than 10 seconds has no real value unless you plan to become a professional purse-snatcher or liquor-store bandit. Are these professions that we want to choose for our children?

What value is the Hammer-throw or the javelin?  These were weapons of choice 2000 years ago.  Today no army, drug cartel or urban gang  would be caught dead using these.

It is time we introduce Olympic events that match the skills, our children will need to lead successful lives in today’s society.  Here are but a few examples.

The Bankers Triathlon:

1.    Insider Trading:  Each contestant will be given the names of three major corporations, for which they must obtain confidential information which will materially affect the each target company’s stock price. Each Contestant must obtain and use that information for personal gain. Points will be awarded based on the size of profit. Contestants are limited to assists provided by the International Olympic Committee as listed below:

Ø    $100,000 in used notes

Ø    200 grams of the finest quality cocaine

Ø    The telephone number of two prostitutes

(All unused assists must be returned directly to an IOC executive in an unmarked envelope)

Any contestant indicted during the event will be disqualified.

2.    Money Laundering:  (Sponsored by a group of non-profit charities located in Mexico, Colombia and Afghanistan)

Each contestant will receive a large suitcase containing $20,000,000 in very used twenty dollar bills, and will be required to carry out the following transactions

a.     Physically transport the suitcase and funds through U.S. customs.

b.    Convert the funds into marketable securities.

c.     Use the securities to invest in not less than three legitimate corporations

Points will be awarded based on the number of companies taken over.

In the event of disqualification the contestant will be incinerated

3.    Mortgage Securitization:  Each contestant will be given a list of 100 properties each with a market value of less than $100.  Each contestant will then

a.     Bundle the properties into 100 bonds, each with a value of $100,000.

b.    Obtain an AAA rating from at least one major bond rating organization.

c.     Market the bonds to banks, insurance companies, universities, governments and provident funds.

Points will be awarded based on the total sales value of the bonds marketed.

In the event of disqualification, we never heard of you

Marketing Biathlon

1.    Telemarketing: Contestants will be given the names of 1000 adults selected at random.  The contestant must contact the adults on their list stating:  “My name is Bernie Madoff.  I am offering you the opportunity to put your life savings in my new  investment fund, in which I guarantee a 10% annual return.”

a.     Points will be awarded on the number of people enrolling and the amount of money collected.

b.    Bonus points will be awarded for successful sales made between the hours of 2:00-4:00AM local time.

2.    Arms Sales:  Each Contestant will be given a series of three lists

a.     Major Weapons:  Suitable for invading a neighboring country

b.    Exotics Weapons:  Suitable for use by freedom fighters anxious to make an international impact

c.     Medium and small weapons: Suitable for use by children wishing to make a statement at school

Points will be awarded on the amount of money received.  Bonuses will be given for the impact derived from delivery

Competitive Hacking:  Contestants are given the names of the 535 sitting U.S. Congressmen and Senators.  Contestants have one week to list the hidden foreign bank accounts of each providing bank name, account number and balance.  Bonus points will be awarded for any member of Congress sitting on the Ethics Committee.

Competitive Lobbying:  Contestants will be given a specific piece of legislation for which they must receive commitments  from U.S. Congressmen and  Senators.

“A law to provide funds and military assistance to the Lords Resistance Army located in Uganda and Sudan.”

Points will be awarded for each member of Congress supporting the bill.

Bonus points will be awarded when that support includes funding for and/or children special needs equipment.

Our goal must be to imbue the next generation with the same values we have and to ensure that our efforts on their behalf are not in vain

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22 Responses to The New Revised Modern Olympics

  1. Great site! Where did you get that design?

  2. Juan says:

    Great Job! Remarkable post with great and admirable content. I will look forward to your future update.

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